Lessons Learned

My father passed away 6 years ago from a massive heart attack. He was 67 years old. A relatively young age.

Pops lived a full life. When his friends found out how he had passed, they said to us, "he gave away so much of his heart, he forgot to keep a little for himself". That was true.

My dad was that type of person. He always gave.

Growing up, I remember my dad always being there for the less fortunate kids in our neighborhood. Not that we were well off, not by any means. But somehow, we always had just enough.

My dad came to the U.S. from Mexico in the '50's. He and my mother were young and full of hope. When they arrived in the U.S., my dad attended night school to learn English. All the while holding down a full time job to support his growing family. Later on, he would take on two full time jobs to make ends meet. He did this so our mother wouldn't have to work outside the home.

My dad hired a cleaning lady, and a cook. I think these were luxuries my dad wanted our mother to have. Also, there were so many of us! I have four brothers and two sisters.

When Dad and Mom came to this country, they made a vow to live the American dream. For my father, that meant live as an American. Everything my dad did was modeled around American life. That meant respecting and flying the American flag every holiday. My dad and mom were Scout Leaders for our neighborhood Cub Scout and Boy Scout troops. They volunteered at school and church. It's funny, but you would think with them giving so much time to everyone, there would be no time for their own children! On the contrary, we were always with them!

After working two full time jobs for many years, my dad decided he would open up a business. So, he quit his two jobs and did just that.

At the ripe old age of 42, our parents made the last payment on their mortgage and became grandparents for the first time.

Then, one day, dad decided he wanted to teach. So, he took the CBEST exam and started teaching at a local high school. He taught a vocational class.

While he taught, he attended night school to earn his Bachelors. After that, he went on to earn his Masters at the age of 51. But, his proudest moment happened when he became a citizen of the United States. My dad literally draped his house in red, white and blue!

I remember the years when my dad was a teacher. He would often invite his students over for a BBQ. We didn't mind, we knew that was our dad's way. He always helped those who needed a hand.

He was always giving.

When my dad passed away, everyone came to his funeral. At the reception held after the services, someone asked me, "what was your dad?", I responded, "what do you mean?", they said, "was he some sort of important person?", again, I asked, "what do you mean?", they said, "I've never seen so many people at someone's funeral, he must have been a very special person or held some sort of position".

Then it dawned on me. All my life, I saw my father helping other people. He helped people get jobs, he helped people buy cars, he helped the neighborhood kids, he helped teach a skill to high school students. I don't know why, but I just never gave any thought of how much my dad helped people. My thought was; this is what everybody did. Help each other.

So I looked around the reception hall (we had to rent a hall to hold all the people in attendance), I saw his students and their families, his former Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts were there, the kids (now all grown) from the old neighborhood came, I saw his godchildren (20 or 30), his brothers were there as was his sister. His nieces and nephews (40 or more). We had people from all over come up to us and tell us stories of how our father helped them.

They told funny stories, compelling stories and some stories even made us cry.
But they all had the same thing to say, "your dad helped me...."

My father had always been a very content person. Just happy to be. Period. He was a simple man with very basic beliefs and ideas; which he passed down to his children and grandchildren. Did I mention that my dad supported his family as a welder?

One brother became a welder. Our son, Anthony, took a welding class in college. And now, Anthony is finishing up his studies to become a teacher as well. Ironically, my brothers all married teachers.

So the lesson learned for me, was "when you give, you will always get back more than you gave".
It was evident to me when my dad passed away. All these people had come back to pay their last respects to a man they loved and admired and respected. All because he gave and helped them.

How simple and how basic. But that's the kind of person Pops was.

Vikki