Choices

We all make choices.

And we have to live with the consequence of those choices.

Our family had to make a choice 26 years ago. It was a difficult choice, and it would mean thinking of other people, not ourselves.

Christmas was a difficult time of year for us because Mom passed away in December of 1982.

Back then, we were a young family having babies. I was pregnant with Anthony, my sister had a 3 month old and my other sister had a 6 year old and a 1 year old. The other children had not been born.

After the memorial service, the sisters and brothers got together and decided that no matter how hard Christmas would be for us from now on, we had to put those feelings aside and make Christmas special for our children. There was no reason to drag our babies into our overwhelming grief. And it was overwhelming.

Because you see, mom didn't pass away from natural causes. She died at the hands of another person. What was to follow was a year of Christmas, New Year, having a baby and court hearings.

Then, it was Christmas again. And again, we had to pull ourselves together and make Christmas special for our kids.

And it was fun. The kids would leave their letters to Santa on the tree and Santa would always leave a response. Someone would always go up on the roof and walk around (we had a chimney) and ring the bells and yell Ho-Ho-Ho! But the kids knew not to get out of bed because Santa might hear them and not leave the gifts. So in bed they stayed. Can you believe we were able to pull this off until they were 7 or 8? We were blessed to have such sweet kids.

On Christmas morning it was magical to see the look on their faces when they would have us read the letter from Santa. And then, open the gifts that Santa would leave. Which, of course, was always the gift they asked for. And just in case they didn't believe the gifts were from Santa, there was always one from mom and dad.

Then off to Grandpa's house where even more gifts were waiting to be unwrapped. It was truly magical.

And now, we're here, 26 years later. Our kids are grown, married and starting their families. You all know Kai. Actually, he's the first baby born to this generation. Our son Anthony is a blessing. His exterior tells a different story. You see, our son, Anthony, loves tattoos and piercings. But his heart is sweet and he is a kind person. As are all our children.

We made a choice 26 years ago to raise our children in love. We believe things could have turned out differently had we not made that conscious choice. Our hearts were filled with a grief that was beyond our comprehension. Our need for justice was overwhelming. So a choice had to be made. Were we going to spend our lives chasing justice and wallowing in our grief? Or were we going to raise these children as our mother would have wanted them to be raised? The way she raised us. In love.

We chose the future of children. And it turned out to be the best decision we ever made in our lives. We're so proud of our kids. Especially because of the situation they were raised in.

As it turned out, the case went cold, but remains an unsolved case.

Now our kids get together for a Christmas party on their own, without parents. And they have a great time. And we get together on our own to remember Mom. She would have been proud.

One time, I said, "I hate Christmas". To which my sweet sister-in-law responded, "you don't hate Christmas, you just hate Christmas without your mom". She is a very wise lady.

Make a choice today that you're going to relish the time you have. We all know that nothing is guaranteed. We hear it all the time. But from one person who knows that your life can change in the blink of an eye, take time today to reconcile differences with friends and family before it's too late.

There is nothing that cannot be resolved with a simple, "I'm sorry". And then go from there.

Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas filled with Miracles and Blessings.

With love,
Vikki